Crouching at the door

Last month in Australia a man burned his wife and children alive in their car and then climbed in with them to die after stabbing himself. He did this because he was angry that his wife was fleeing his violent behaviour.

I have nothing to say about this murderous man, other than the story sets the scene for the response by Sydney man Toby Francis, which cut through the usual virtue signalling with a clarity and raw honest introspection that left me stunned at both his bravery and candour.

“Abusive words escalate, smashing stuff escalates, pushing escalates, punching escalates. Murder doesn’t. Murder is the final escalation.”

- Domestic Violence, Toby Francis

It is an article which everyone should read and then share with their teenage children, their friends and their families. If you have not please follow the link and read it now before continuing here.

In the article Toby recounts a time in his life when he would blow off some steam after an argument with his partner by going outside and breaking plates or broom handles.

After a chance mention of this to a friend, Toby’s mate rebuked him to his face, explaining that what he was engaging in was an act of violence which would eventually spiral out of control.

The smashing of plates, the slamming of doors, the punching of walls. It’s all violence. It’s all the start of a burning wick that leads to a horrific end. These objects are placeholders for the people we aren’t allowed to hit. And one day, those placeholders don’t do the job anymore and a push makes its way into the argument.

Just a push. It’s not a big deal, you rationalise, and you’re sorry. And it won’t happen again, you say. And you don’t want it to happen again, you know. Because, of course you don’t. You are a good man. A good man who doesn’t hit his partner, doesn’t beat his kids, wouldn’t cover the car in petrol and set them alight.

The take-away here is that Toby Francis is normal. He’s a normal man talking about normal human emotions, and he’s admission neatly cuts through the ‘bad people do bad things, thank God I’m a good person’ rhetoric we love to tell ourselves.

What is not normal is that Toby unfurls the ugly underbelly of our sinful nature and nails it to the fence for every passer-by to see, he screams ‘Look at me! And now look at yourselves with the same honesty!’ It’s a brave, bold move which all true followers of the Way should take notice of and mimic.

It is only when we are honest about the evil that we carry in our flesh that we can begin to let the Holy Spirit do His work of restoration. No matter your soteriology, the bible is clear that repentance precedes forgiveness and restoration.

The bible tells the story of the first two children ever born, two brothers Cain and Abel. I won’t repeat the story here, you can find it in Genesis, but in short, Cain gets angry at his brother through no fault of Abel, Cain is jealous that his brother has done better than he has.

And so God warns Cain that the unjustified anger in his heart toward his brother is evil, and that if he cannot overcome the anger it will blossom in to murder.

Cain does not rule over his jealousy, and as the Lord has sadly predicted sin overcomes him and Cain butchers his brother in cold blood and buries his body in his field, setting a dark precident which will be echoed down through the ages to the present day.

4,000 years later the Lord has not changed in His opinion of anger. Speaking to the multitude who were following Him around in hopes of seeing another miracle, he expands the definition of the Moral Law ‘You shall not murder’ to explain the heart of the problem.

God cuts straight to the root of the issue as He did with Cain; jealousy, bitterness and anger are the seeds of murder, always.

When we sit in judgement of a man who murders his family whilst we hate another we condemn ourselves for the same crime. We humans have long been hypocrites in this regard.

My prayer tonight is:

Father, let us be honest about our sin, let us call a spade a spade. Humility becomes our fallen estate Lord; A broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.

Search our hearts and make our ways known to us, show us our iniquities and grant repentance and restoration through the blood of your Son, who suffered murder at the hands of our sinful anger, who overcame death to show us that we could be redeemed through faith.

And Lord, let the example of Toby Francis be a spur in the side of everyone who professes faith in You to do likewise.